Chapter 88 His Past Guilt
[Private Chat] Strawberry Ice Cream: Never Deeply Attached, I really like you~
Su Han sighed helplessly while looking at the message on the screen. He knew how much Strawberry Ice Cream liked him, but he just did not believe that such a relationship would end up well.
He still clearly remembered how Xiaoguang and himself had wrecked their relationship when they were faced with practical problems.
[Private Chat] Never Deeply Attached: Strawberry, just get over me. We’re not suitable for each other.
After sending out this message, he finally relaxed a little. The next moment, he shifted his gaze to a cute action figure of a character in Flying Deity and could not help but think of Xiaoguang.
He wondered, “Why did she always feel so insecure?
“When my parents refused to meet her, she asked me if I really cared about her over and over again. I explained the thing to her for so many times that I felt tired of it. But she continued to push me.
“On that day, when I thought that I really had enough of it and when I was well aware that she felt worried, I told her my cousin’s story.
“Perhaps, I began to consider her a burden since then. That was why I compared our relationship to the failed relationship of my cousin and his ex-girlfriend at that time. By telling her the story, I tactfully let her know that I approved my cousin’s choice.
“Later, I naturally broke up with her as I could not accept a girl who put me him in a dilemma. Even now, I still don’t regret it.
“Despite that, I’ll occasionally wonder whether she’s happier after leaving me and whether she can find another guy that she likes.”
Su Han examined his own conscience and ensured that he sincerely hoped Zheng Xiaoguang to be happy. He knew that it was he himself that hurt her. When breaking up with her, he had put all the blame on her and said those hurtful words but dared not face her.
Because of this, he had chosen to send her a breakup message.
He had never been worried about being pestered by her or feeling regret. He just could not face his own cruelty.
He knew that how much she loved him and felt guilty about dumping her so mercilessly.
He could not forget about Blooming Pear Tree’s words. “A man like you doesn’t deserve to be loved! You trample a girl’s heart under your feet and keep lying to yourself that you break up with her peacefully. You don’t love her enough and you don’t feel hurt. Have you ever cared about her feelings?”
He felt as if he had lost something but he could not tell what it was. He felt somewhat anxious and hoped that Xiaoguang could find a new boyfriend quickly to relieve himself of the guilt. He believed that only in this way, he could move on without burden.
To his surprise, Xiaoguang left Flying Deity and his world forever.
She left her doctor account to Blooming Pear Tree, and Blooming Pear Tree would occasionally log into it to save other players and collect materials. Although he knew that it was not she that was using this doctor account, he still could not help but feel at a loss every time he saw her character online.
Every time he saw Blooming Pear Tree using her account to chat on the Public Chat channel, he would feel that she was still being around.
Many of his friends in Flying Deity knew his relationship with Xiaoguang and would ask about it from time to time. In the beginning, he still put all the blame on her, but gradually, he did not feel so confident anymore.
He felt guilty about hurting her although he thought that he did not hurt her very much.
In the end, he quit Flying Deity and did not play any online game during the following several months.
Until one day, he came across an online game named Shiny Sky and logged onto the game using a new game ID “Never Deeply Attached”. He decided not to get married to any girl in this game.
One day, he met Strawberry Ice Cream in Shiny Sky. In the beginning, he thought that she was somewhat like Xiaoguang.
She was very dependent on him and often asked him for help. He nicely helped her out when he had time. After knowing her for some time, he discovered that she was not like Xiaoguang. She liked to seek help from others, but Xiaoguang always tried to solve problems by herself.
Anyhow, as he had decided not to fall in love with any girl in this game, he did not like Strawberry, no matter how much she liked him and no matter how hard Han Meimei tried to bring them together.
To his surprise, at the gang party, he met Xiaoguang again and found out that she was dating Bluegreen-Clad.
He had often teamed up with Bluegreen-Clad since starting playing this game. He thought that Bluegreen-Clad was a great guy and would treat Xiaoguang sincerely.
Nevertheless, he highly doubted that they would be able to solve all the practical problems that they met in real life.
No matter what Bluegreen-Clad said, Su Han still refused to believe that his relationship with Xiaoguang would end well. He knew how hard it was to maintain such a relationship as he had been through one.
He felt helpless as Bluegreen-Clad refused to listen to his advice. Even when he spoke ill of Xiaoguang, Bluegreen-Clad still spoke for her.
He could not understand why Xiaoguang started such a relationship again after being through a bad virtual relationship with him. He could not figure out why Xiaoguang made such a decision, as she had gotten hurt before.
He had told her before that she would meet the right person in the future, but in his eyes, Bluegreen-Clad was never the right person. He thought that Bluegreen-Clad would abandon her sooner or later, so he persuaded Bluegreen-Clad to end this relationship as soon as possible.
He even wanted to tell Bluegreen-Clad that Xiaoguang was his ex-girlfriend. He thought that Bluegreen-Clad would probably break up with her since she was his friend’s ex.
Nevertheless, when he was about to tell this to Bluegreen-Clad, he hesitated.
He thought of what Blooming Pear Tree had said. “Su Han, you can tell that to Bluegreen-Clad. But are you sure that you know who’s best for Xiaoguang? Are you sure that you’re not destroying her chance of happiness?”
With this in mind, he decided to keep this thing secret. After all, if he told this thing to Bluegreen-Clad to stop him from being together with Xiaoguang, he would expose his past guilt.
He took out his cellphone, planning to call Zheng Xiaoguang. He wanted to ask her if she really wanted to be together with Bluegreen-Clad. He wanted to know if she really felt happy. And… he somehow really wanted to hear her voice.
Unfortunately, he searched his contact list again and again but still failed to find her number or even her name.
Suddenly, he thought of his mother’s words. “Now that you’ve broken up with her, you should delete all her contact information.”
He sighed inwardly, “Yes, I deleted all her contact information a long time ago at the request of my mother. I could not get in touch with her a long time ago.
“I was such a heartless guy.”
“I’m sorry.” He suddenly muttered without knowing who he was apologizing to.